Healthy Fast Food Review

First off, I want to assure you this is NOT an add. I was not paid or influenced in any way to speak positively about this product. Now that is out of the way, let’s get to the goods.

I’m so excited to finally have this fast food! I mean, it has everything: convenience, cheapness, deliciocity, nutrition, and you can find it in any store (aka findability…yeah these are all real words). The best part of this food is that you can eat a giant serving and not feel disgusting. On the contrary, you will have a ton of energy.

If you haven’t had one of these in the past 24 hours, do yourself a favor and go purchase a big bag of bright orange carrots!

“Har har, you got me. I’ve had carrots before. This is boring.” Okay, hypothetical reader, you want excitement? Try this on for size. One carrot will basically make you a vitamin A superhero. How does 157% of your daily value of vitamin A sound? And if you think you can only get potassium from bananas, boy are you mistaken. By the way, if you’re taking biotin for your skin and hair, stop it. Eat carrots instead. They are 100% more delicious than a pill.

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If you don’t feel like eating them raw, you can boil them, mash them, stick ’em in a souproast them, make noodles out of them, or drink them in a delicious smoothie.

Livin’ the life…

When I was a child, I loved carrots so much that I once turned slightly orange (everything in moderation, people). Then as I aged and my mom started switching out carrots for other orange things. Doritos. Cheetos. Kraft Singles. Reese’s Pieces. When did the process of going to a store to buy bags of sugar and salt snacks become easier than going to a store to buy carrots?

TL;DR: Don’t waste time reading ingredient labels. Eat only ingredients.

Be more like Bugs = be more of a boss.

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My Juice Cleanse Challenge.

Juice cleanses. They detoxify. They replenish. They’re wicked trendy. So what better way to clear out your system after Thanksgiving than an ultra-sleek, three day juice cleanse, right? Well I don’t know if it was something I did or my Groupon acquired juices had turnt, but what I received did NOT make my skin glitter like a damn vampire or make my eyes shoot rainbows. Let’s take you on my little journey in failed juicing.

The week before: Order the juice, feel like I’m going to finally start turning this life around. Oh, and I start telling everyone I meet

Oh, you didn't hear?

Oh, you didn’t hear?

because I’m a damn hero for this shit. No food for 3 days? Worship me!

The instructions say to pick a few days where you’re at work or otherwise occupied, since you’re more likely to eat when you’re bored at home on the weekend. Makes sense. So I thaw the first day of 6 juices on Sunday night and wake up bright and early to start my first day on

MONDAY

Juice one is a sweet green juice that goes down easy for breakfast. I’ve been drinking green smoothies and juices for a while now, so this doesn’t bother me at all. In fact, it’s quite delicious! I go to a few meetings and sit in our cramped little office with about five other people, feeling great about the day ahead of me.

Feelin' gooooood on a Monday!

Feelin’ gooooood on a Monday!

Juice two comes with a little headache. I read up that headaches are common, especially if you’re a coffee drinker, which I am. But this starts to affect my vision it’s so bad, so I take two Advil and start chugging water as I move on to juice three.

I make it three sips into my second green juice of the day and realize

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Not only does my head feel like it’s four sizes too large, but I start to

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feel like I might just

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And that’s when it happens. I bolt out of the room, thanking any and every deity that I wasn’t in the middle of a meeting, and purge the contents of my stomach, including those two Advil I took. I stopped drinking the juices and switched to water for the rest of what seemed like an endless day in the office. I tried not to talk for fear that I might ralph again. And then I

WHYYYYY IS THIS HAPPENING

WHYYYYY IS THIS HAPPENING

again on the car ride home. Pulled over just in time to note how little street parking is available in LA, found a spot, and decorated the ground with could only be bile at this point. Went home, had soup, slept from 7-9, 9:30 until the next day.

I still have the rest of my juices in the freezer, ready to thaw maybe one a day once I get over the PTSD from the experience. But so ends my juice cleansing.

Has anyone else out there had a similar experience or am I juice intolerant?

Checking In: Slowly But Surely

I had a pretty okay week. Nothing remarkable. So I’ll just give the highlights:

My skin is starting to look better, which is encouraging. But everything else feels the same. To be honest, I just need my Nike half marathon training to start and my Whole Life Challenge to start and then I can kick into high gear. I should be able to get my sh*t together without these things…

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This past Saturday I went for a nice run with some new friends and kept a 10min pace for 5mi without stopping, which was awesome! I was all…

Really just wanted to use this gif, but it does accurately sum up my feelings about that run.

Really just wanted to use this gif, but it does accurately sum up my feelings about that run.

Anyway that reminded me to push my milage and don’t stress out about staying under 9min/mi. I think that I tend to feel better and accomplish more when I actually pace myself. 

Speaking of running, here is my schedule for the week! 

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I’m so happy to have a coaching program again. It feels like so long ago when I started training for my first half! Week one looks fine, but this program builds quickly. 

Sooooo…. yeah I think that’s about it. If you’re interested in doing the Whole Life Challenge, it starts in about two weeks and it’s great. Sign up here! And now I leave you with some squatspiration from last night’s VMAs. Enjoy. 

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The “I’d Rather Be Napping” Workout

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Sometimes, you just want to lay down when you get home from work. Let gravity take you and just be horizontal. For me it’s always Tuesdays. Tuesday I’m ready for a nap at 7 when I walk in the door. For those times, I made this.

Bench Press: Lay down, push those fists up to the sky while holding weighted objects. For this, I used weights.

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Bridges: Lay down with your feet flat on the floor so your knees are up. Then hump the air like Justin Theroux is watching (I’ve been catching up on The Leftovers this week). Squeeze that ass, then relax back to the floor, then squeeze up,… you get it.

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Chest Flyes: Lay down, grab those heavy things again. Now pretend you’re reverse flying, Jack, and do this with them…

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Skull Crushers: Lay d- well obviously. Do these until you can’t anymore. Don’t worry, it will only take about 10.

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Bicycle: I know, you’re thinking “I thought you said ‘nap!'” But we’re already on the floor, might as well throw a few of these in. I believe in you!

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CARDIO BURST! Time to get that heart rate up with horizontal running. Throw in a bit of mermaid dance if you feel like it.

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Whew. We did it. Now nap time forever.

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Making A Plan: This Week’s Workout Schedule!

My half marathon training starts one week from today. But what about this week? I’m writing this schedule out so I have something to make me accountable. 

YEAH! I CAN DO ANYTHING I SET MY MIND TO!

YEAH! I CAN DO ANYTHING I SET MY MIND TO!

MONDAY: 3mi run, 200 abs, 100 squats, 50 arms, stretching for 10 minutes

TUESDAY: Strength train 

WEDNESDAY: 4mi run, 200 abs, 100 squats, 50 arms, stretching for 10 minutes

THURSDAY: Strength train 

FRIDAY: Rest day

SATURDAY: 5mi run, 200 abs, 100 squats, 50 arms,  stretching for 10 minutes

SUNDAY: 5mi run, 200 abs, 100 squats, 50 arms, stretching for 10 minutes

Someone out there should join me so we can challenge each other! 

Checking In: Don’t Be Discouraged

Phase two in any health kick I go on is inevitably the “WHERE THE F*&$ IS MY NEW BODY” phase, wherein I beat myself up for not changing and go back to the cheesecake. This is what I’m currently dealing with. 

Can't go on!

Can’t go on!

I’ve gained weight, I don’t see any changes, and I’m still feeling a bit bloated. However, this is the part of the process that requires us to push even harder! Don’t be like that cat and give in to gravity. Here is my mantra for the week:

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I need to go HARD this week, but even more important is the mindset I need to trick myself into. I need to still be excited about this lifestyle change. I need to be proud of every run I go on and every strength training session I crush. They haven’t been easy and I haven’t seen any changes, but the fact that I’m still blogging is a change! The fact that I ran 5 miles in the disgusting August-in-the-Valley heat is a change! And tonight, I’m going to run myself into a change again. 

I CAN do this. I CAN do this. I CAN do this!

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Just keep going!

My Mind Is Tellin’ Me No, But My Body’s Tellin’ Me Yes

Yesterday I was doing some research on “fitspo” instagrams, Whole30, and anything else that would get me psyched for my evening workout. It worked! I was jazzed and couldn’t wait to get my sneakers to the pavement. 

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Then traffic. It typically takes me 30-45mins to get home, but yesterday it took me 2 hours. RAGE. So much rage. Also, traffic makes me sleepy and want to eat junk food and watch Netflix. 

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Then my thoughtful fiancé offered to buy Chinese food or wine or anything my heart desired to make up for the shitty travel experience. Which would be awesome any other time, except I’m trying to be healthy and Chinese food isn’t “clean.” 

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Then by the time I got home it was too dark to go for a run. I like to have enough time to run out and back while it’s still light out due to safety reasons. I’m sure I could kick anyone’s ass who tried something funny, that’s not the point. “Really I’m worried for anyone who tried to get in my way,” she thought, sarcastically. 

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Then there was internet connectivity problems in my (what felt like 90 degree) room, so my “Own It” Spotify playlist kept cutting out during my workout.  

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But you know what? I did it. I did a TABATA workout with pushups, skull crushers, weighted shadow boxing, squats, calf raises, donkey kicks, weighted side crunches, bicycle crunches, regular crunches, and planks. I did every single one of my planks! My point is, there are days when it will seem like everything is against you. Anything that could go wrong, will. It will be 90 degrees in your room. But with every skip of your music you can push yourself harder, squat deeper, finish those damn planks. And it will make you feel better, trust me! 

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